Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Pants are for mortals
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
