pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
