i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
