i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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