I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
