i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
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I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
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Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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