Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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