hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
