I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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