I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm getting married
To pizza
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize