i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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