therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
