kristin has been a bad kristin
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
