i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
