Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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