He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
