Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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