Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
