Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
