You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She's JV to your varsity
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
