my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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