Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
