I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
