Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
