Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
