no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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