I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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