you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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