Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
