i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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