I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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