Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
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Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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