Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
