It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
there is puke in my bra ... again
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
