i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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