I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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