We're like a lot better than the average bears
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
