gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
