Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
