Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
