my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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