Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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