ya dads aren't the best wingmen
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
