did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
