I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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