had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
