you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
