Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
