We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
