I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
