$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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