I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
