you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
