you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
