FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
