hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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