you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just googled if crying burns calories
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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