Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
