"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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