Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
