It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
