pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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