i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
