I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
A+ Viking dick
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
