you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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