It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
