My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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