What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
