My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
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