i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
