i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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