Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
