went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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